shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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