You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
