Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
