I cannot find my penis.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
