Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
