only you would photoshop your dick
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
