You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
