She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
