so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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