please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
