Say something about gay babies.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
