Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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