I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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