Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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