Fuck appropriateness.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
