If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
did i walk over a car last night?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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