it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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