Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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