She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
