guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
