I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
