why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
