i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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