so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
