I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
