I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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