He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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