My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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