She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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