i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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