I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
