I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
