If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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