Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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