and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I checked into jail on foursquare
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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