I hate your face
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
