Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
