Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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