i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
