dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
