this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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