just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
