it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
