She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
