i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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