chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
