I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
