just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
