9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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