You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
