Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
