I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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