just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He passed out mid-signature
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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