i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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