the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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