dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Come on in and take your pants off
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