Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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