I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
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Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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